gotta jot these down somewhere
headfirst into heartbreak
lessons on breathing
handprint on my heart
comet pulled from orbit
halfway through the wood
bittersweet cafe
re: written
running through
scratches
falling free
arms back, knees bent
shaking windows
the last love song
is lying the start of love?
driftwood
my optimistic philosophy
at least I'll be naive
then I won't grow old
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Wonder
Sometimes I wonder:
Did I just waste almost a year of my life?
Did I do anything that lasts? Impact anyone? Make any impressions that'll stay?
Or just fade away not at all slowly in people's memories?
I'd always preferred the easier route, so I wonder why I'd remember spending so much time and effort on things that shouldn't really be my concern and ultimately would be care about by no one; some things even then didn't seem that important to anybody--at most worth a particle of recognition in the minds of others and probably even less in my own since when we get to the exit of the whole house-of-mirrors that is my awkward reasoning and strained excuses to force a purpose to appear and make my actions seem actually meaningful
no one really cares, and everyone forgets. I don't remember either.
Though I like to think I remember, but all I remember is how much I've forgotten.
And still life goes on. And still the same things happen. And still we make the same choices, convincing ourselves that it is the best one. And still we try our best to believe in what we try to believe. And still we walk in circles thinking that it helps us think better even when the total displacement is zero.
... ...
On a strangely related note,
Person A isn't happy and doesn't know how to be happy
Person B isn't happy and knows that if he has some cheesecake, he'll be happy.
But he lives in an alternate world,
and all the cheesecake in the world is gone,
and nobody knows how to make it,
and the recipes are all burned,
and anyone who learns or even tries to learn how to make it is killed.
Person C is similar to Person B, but his immediate superior eats all his cheesecake.
Person D is allergic to cheese. And cake.
Person E is happy.
But he is killed by one the the above people (Persons A, B, C, and D)
No, I'm not asking who the killer is. That really isn't the point
I'm just thinking about these people
and wanting some cheesecake.
Did I just waste almost a year of my life?
Did I do anything that lasts? Impact anyone? Make any impressions that'll stay?
Or just fade away not at all slowly in people's memories?
I'd always preferred the easier route, so I wonder why I'd remember spending so much time and effort on things that shouldn't really be my concern and ultimately would be care about by no one; some things even then didn't seem that important to anybody--at most worth a particle of recognition in the minds of others and probably even less in my own since when we get to the exit of the whole house-of-mirrors that is my awkward reasoning and strained excuses to force a purpose to appear and make my actions seem actually meaningful
no one really cares, and everyone forgets. I don't remember either.
Though I like to think I remember, but all I remember is how much I've forgotten.
And still life goes on. And still the same things happen. And still we make the same choices, convincing ourselves that it is the best one. And still we try our best to believe in what we try to believe. And still we walk in circles thinking that it helps us think better even when the total displacement is zero.
... ...
On a strangely related note,
Person A isn't happy and doesn't know how to be happy
Person B isn't happy and knows that if he has some cheesecake, he'll be happy.
But he lives in an alternate world,
and all the cheesecake in the world is gone,
and nobody knows how to make it,
and the recipes are all burned,
and anyone who learns or even tries to learn how to make it is killed.
Person C is similar to Person B, but his immediate superior eats all his cheesecake.
Person D is allergic to cheese. And cake.
Person E is happy.
But he is killed by one the the above people (Persons A, B, C, and D)
No, I'm not asking who the killer is. That really isn't the point
I'm just thinking about these people
and wanting some cheesecake.
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